Undeserving

Yes, it’s me. I’m undeserving.

I have successfully neglected this single platform where I can literally just blurt out anything off my chest – which probably would not be appropriate for the people in my circle. For a lot of reasons which I’m not going to touch in this post.

So, it’s been a year. A year without anything on the blog. HM. So let me just update all of my readers (if I still have any that is) on my messy life right now.

2015 was the year that I did my internship with L’Oreal which was pretty fun I would say. If any of you guys are thinking of going into L’Oreal, go ahead. It’s kinda tough in a way that the company is very fast moving, but it’s such a good company for you to jump-start your career. Plus, the benefits you get are crazyyy! Especially for makeup lovers like moi.

Other than the internship, I finally did my last semester at school. It was probably the most challenging term I’ve ever had in Uni. I had to handle my curricular activities (so many events to organize it was insane) and my wrecked relationship as well as my crappy thesis. I was pretty devastated when I got my results – not that it was bad but it wasn’t what I was aiming for. But, head held high, life goes on and I’m still here alive and well.

I think I should start with the relationship that I had last year. It was with this one German lad who came to my university for his final semester. We first officially met when I was giving presentations about the culture, dos and don’ts in my country in a welcome party for the exchange students. He later admitted that he was stalking me even before he got to the country (because I was one of the committee that was in charge with international stakeholders affairs). He was very nice throughout the entire period we were dating – although there were some bad signals. Well, not thattt bad. He just had multiple views that were different from mine and sometimes I didn’t think I could handle it anymore. Anyway, everything was fine, we even went for a getaway together in one of the nicest beaches here…until one night he decided to make out with one of our mutual friends in front of all our friends including my very best friend. And it wasn’t 3 days after we got back from the holiday. Yeah, he was drunk, intoxicated, wasn’t himself. But how could I trust him again after that? He was going back to Germany and how can I not have that incident in the back of my mind every time I saw his face. So, we ended it. It was kinda bizarre because he was seriously into me and in one night everything changed. Huh. The story is kinda long and draggy but I’m kinda very sleepy right now 😀

I will continue updating tomorrow!

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The Wonderful 2014

Well I guess it is very appropriate for me to write something marking the end of 2014 and the beginning of 2015- it has been an extremely adventurous and challenging year for me. I think I’ll better make it in a point form, starting of with the things that I’m grateful for 2014.

  1. My last celebration for New Year’s Eve was by far one of the bests that I’ve had in years. Thanks to someone, of course. We didn’t do much though, but everything was – in his word, magical.
  2. I’ve got safely to Paris and so thankful by all of my friends’ hospitality – from giving a tour on a scooter, taking me to a jazz club, giving me a shelter, taking me to various places of hidden gem in Paris and so many other things.
  3. Thankful for my hosts/friends in Prague – few of the warmest people I’ve met in life, random friends I’ve met along the way and Prague in general just hmm wonderful 🙂
  4. This is by far the highlight of my year – joining EDISON in Czech Republic. Made tons of unforgettable memories with the most awesome bunch of people, teaching in different schools, drinking together, doing stupid stuffs together, laughing, singing, aahhh memories! :’)
  5. First time skiing, first time ice skating on a frozen lake!
  6. Had crazy experiences in Budapest, very peaceful me time in Vienna, and Zurich. Even saying Zurich gives me chills. Haih
  7. Berlin! Had my depressed mode, my happy and my crazy mode – total fun! Crazy weather too I shall add haha and of course, Amsterdam – the best people to party with, drop dead gorgeous guys and yes some other things that make Amsterdam the place to be in.
  8. Didn’t get to do much in Brussels and Luxembourg but it was fun to walk around and learn more about the two cities histories 🙂
  9. Got home safely from my trip – it was kinda scary at that time after MH370 (may they rest in peace) incident.
  10. I think during May or June, I got into a pretty deep depression most likely from the post travel syndromes. But I got back on my feet, fighting depression by planning other future travels.
  11. Joined my bootcamp! The best decision ever, started in April or May and still going there up until now. Seriously, it is one of my medium to let loose, get fit, build stamina and simply be healthy.
  12. Got selected to be one of the Global Ambassadors for my university and it was a pretty big deal because I’ve never thought to be friends and working with awesome group of people.
  13. Spent my holidays in Boracay, Philippines for 5 days! Ahhh the place is too beautiful you have no idea.
  14. Secured an internship with L’oreal starting from January! It’s like a dream comes true

All in all, I can’t be grateful enough of the friends that I’ve made this year. So many of them having a place in my heart, they are just so special that I wish I could just fly off now to see them. Also, not forgetting the friends that I’ve already had, they are still being as awesome and just what I needed. And of course, my family – which without them none of the things I’ve experienced this year could have happened.

That being said, I should also learn or take a moment to think back bout some of the tragedies that have happened along the year. The year alone, more than 3 airplane incidents had been reported and many lives were lost, make it from the crash, the wars and also from natural disasters.

Hoping for 2015 to kick ass!

Things I Learn Growing Up

Well I haven’t reached my thirties yet… BUT I’m confident enough to know that I’ve learned so much and grown in so many different ways since I left high school. And this post is just to share or rather to reflect on the things I’ve learned along the journey of discovering myself today 🙂

1) You’ll have your time

If I could go back in time and meet my 14 year old self, the first thing I would advise myself is to slow the pipe down. Teens are always eager to grow up and to have the freedom of being a grown up – but you know what, you will certainly have your time for that in the future and being in teenage-hood, embrace it, you’re problem-free!

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2) Choose Your Friends

Most people I guess don’t realize how much they can get influenced by the group of people or friends that they hang out with. If you start to feel uncomfortable with the things that your boyfriend or even your best friend is doing, stay away from them – and that being said, don’t be afraid to do so. It is okay to not have the one best friend, you will start to rely on yourself more and become more independent in a way. So cherish it! This point is by far one of the most important lessons I’ve learned so far in life. Friends can only do two things to you, bring you up or bury you down – so choose wisely 🙂

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3) Be Selfish

I’m not saying that you have to be totally ignorant of what is happening around you – please do know. What I meant by selfish is that, start to make decisions that are going to benefit you in the long run, even if it means that you have to turn down a very big opportunity along the way. If you like something, if you know you are good at something, by all means go for it and shut your ears to what everyone has to say, cause at the end of the day you are the sole author of your own life.

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4) Avoid Negative Energy

I’m the kind of person who can get badly affected by negative energy. For example if I get a very annoying text in the morning, it can just bring me down and distort my mood for the whole entire day – and this is not good. So basically what I did was I stopped talking to people who annoy me most of the time, got out of any pointless conversations and avoided any petty arguments. This can totally turn your bad days around and just make you somehow, happier 🙂

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5) Know Your Priorities

I know that most of the people wanna try everything there is in the world when they are in their twenties, and by all means, go ahead. But doesn’t mean that you can throw everything behind and smoke weed all day. This can be well linked to your responsibilities as well but I think everyone with normal common sense can properly manage it thus I’m not gonna touch bout it as much. Priorities – I meant on what you wanna do with your life. Lets just take money or savings as an example. Last time, I would splurge any kind of bonus or paycheck I get and it is very unlikely that I would save any of the money left. And at that time, working as a makeup artist, I had to splurge my money on buying more and more makeup products. Until one day it hit me, makeup products will never end and I’ve actually had more than enough. As much as makeup makes me happy, traveling also does the same. So as for now, I start to save my money for my future travels and I just feel so much happier cause the outcomes that I get from traveling are just very priceless 🙂

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6) Your Background Doesn’t Define You

I come from a family that is pretty religious and as much as they would like me to be just like them, I don’t see it coming anytime soon. But that is totally fine, for me and for them. I know that the formal or informal education you get when you were young pretty much influence on how you take things and your beliefs but my best advise is not to stop there. You learn so much more when you get out of your comfort zone of friends, places, cultures etc. Open up your mind to new possibilities, learn why things are treated in certain ways and collect the little things that you think will define you as a person.

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7) Learn Financial System

I know it is perhaps the least interesting topic you can ever imagine learning about, but trust me it will take you far. Learning and understanding how money works in capitalist countries can give you so much. I’m no financial expert but there are a lot of books or videos in YouTube that can teach you this topic.

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8) Read, Read and Read

Right, I can’t help you if you totally hate reading but from what I’ve learned, reading can be your gateway and most importantly can make you a lot smarter as well. Doesn’t mean that you have to buy a lot of books (although I’d recommend so), you can just read on the internet through blogs or anything like that. But please, if you’re simply going to read about the modern hook up or dating culture that is happening around, then I’d say just stick to not reading. Try to read something useful that can actually give you something in return – and no you don’t need to read what steps to take to make guys like you on Elite Daily.

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9) Don’t Depend Your Happiness On Guys

I think twenties are the time when you are trying to discover yourself, and I have no idea how you are going to do that when your mood and your behavior depend on what your boyfriend or any other guys out there think. Relationships are going to bring you up and down, and I’m not saying that it is a bad idea altogether, but I guess there are perks when you focus on yourself first at a period of time. Another thing is that, if you’re a girl, please don’t depend everything on a guy. Be strong and do things that you normally would expect a guy to do it for you. Be independent and you’ll be a superwoman in the making! 😉

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10) Take All The Risks Needed

Argh! There are so many possibilities! Try to tick off as many as you can from your bucket list 🙂 I’m not gonna ask you to sky dive – if it is not your thing, but pick the things that seem very adventurous to you and well, go for it!

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Well then, I guess this is it for now. Until next time folks.

Keeping It Simple, Dude

Dudeee and Fannyyyy! I have no idea why I just said that but no matter, let’s shall move on with the topic.

I’ve realized for the past couple of months, that my Facebook’s (yes, I activated it again but kept the rest deactivated/deleted) newsfeed is full of articles, posts, statuses about the modern hook up or dating culture. Don’t get me wrong, it is not that I loathe that topic but it got me thinking on how people can take this matter very seriously that it keeps on popping on my newsfeed. It is kinddd of annoying at this point.

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Right, so let me just tell you what I think about this whole new phenomenon that has been happening around lately. Honestly, I like the fact that this hook up culture involves less feeling of attachment, because I suck at feelings; feeling in love, heartbroken, depression and the stage where you have to build yourself up again and learn the lessons. Been there, done that, not the best parts of my life. That being said, doesn’t necessarily be a good thing for other people. See, the reason why I wanna avoid the feelings in general is because – as always, having a big trust issue to depend my feelings on someone else…..

Wait, I’m getting distracted…..

giphy-facebook_sOk letssss get back to the real topic now shall we?!

I’m actually very confused and distracted and I bet you are too *wink*

So okay anyway. I just got out of a very serious dating/relationship about a year ago and I have been dating ever since up until now – we are still talking and still being the best of friends so no worries. And I like the fact that when I go out, meet someone new and we connect, it just feels refreshing. We bond, go out and do what other normal couples do and at one point, perhaps we find that we are not really compatible with each other and with time we decide to end whatever thing we have. It is okay for me to have that bit of a heartbreak.

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Because deep down I’ve realized that if I’ve ever decided to take a relationship to another level and much longer, we are both gonna get hurt in the end. And most – almost every guy I’ve dated before has been very cool and we ended things in good terms. Some of them still keep in touch with me – friends thing, we both know nothing is gonna happen between us.

However, there is this one guy, a total d-bag I shall call him. HAH okay I’m being mean. Lets call him…….HMMM lets call him Danny.

So I met Danny on July, me and couple of friends decided to go out for our French friends’ farewell party. All of us went for a pubcrawl and before we headed out to the last club, I was feeling very tired and sleepy – I usually become the designated driver I HAVE NO IDEA WHY so I was totally sober the whole night, OK I took one beer- ONE! So… I was feeling tired and we decided to skip the last club

All of them were dancing and I just sat at the bar being the lonesome me, watching over my friends whennnnnn Danny decided to have a small talk with me. Honestly, I would have just said no to guys trying to make small talks at bars but he has one of the sexiest voices I’ve ever heard. And so, we kept talking and honestly, he was being a very good company to me that night. Long story short, by the end of the night he asked for my number, I gave it to him andddd he never called me back.

So, heh I got over it. Although I’m still wondering why the fuck do guys do such games – cause I won’t give my numbers if I don’t like that particular guy – I just don’t play games. If I like you, I like you. If I don’t, sorry then. Apparently Danny’s brother was out in a magazine cover and in his spread, he talks about the self esteem he gets when asking for girls’ numbers that he never intends to call – I mean how fucked up is that? You seriously depend your self esteem issue with how smooth you are to get girls’ numbers THAT YOU NEVER INTEND TO CALL?!

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Again, long story short, I found him on facebook accidentally while looking up at some bands (he is a friend of one of the bands that I usually go concerts/gigs for) and my friend who strategically sat beside me sent him a FREAKING FRIEND REQUEST through MYYYY facebook (I swear to God I’m not making this up). I seriously have no emoji for that. He approved me, we talked, went out for more than a month, bla bla and after I got back from Boracay, Philippines (Yeah I went there last month! 😀 Shall make a post about that awesome trip!), we bumped into each other in a bar that we both happened to go to……. AND THEN KABOOM, I’ve never heard from him again. I should have known how douchebag-y he is when he decided not to call me after our first encounter.

I mean yes, I might weep, maybe there is something wrong with me and I’m okay with that, I know nobody is fucking perfect…

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But what I wanna point out here is that, modern dating culture doesn’t mean that you have to connect with another person up to a few days, have fun together and vanish. When you feel that something is wrong, let the other person know and tell them that things are not working out for you. It is a win win situation for both parties.

Honestly, this is the first guy that had just vanished into thin air…..and the fact that I can still see him online on facebook sort of annoys me now…Anyhow, you got my point, right….Right??

Keeping everything simple, if you like someone, show and let them know. And if you don’t, again just let them know. No need for games and whatever sorts that will ruin people’s hearts and make them hopeless romantic for the rest of their lives HAHA ouch

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Keep it cool, keep it simple and everybody wins! Cheers. Till next time, folks

My First Run

I’ve gotta be honest here, I’m not a running/sports/fitness person. Although – I’ve been taking bootcamp classes for about 8 months now. BUT that is nothing to be compared to any kind of run (especially the ones above 10km) my friends have been joining for the past years (half ironman, ironman, triathlon, full marathon, half marathon bla bla bla). I seriously couldn’t be bothered to join any kind of run before this cause I’m simply…… not a cardio person. Cardio is just not for mehhh

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Anyway, I’ve decided to join this 12km run last week justttt to give myself a new challenge. ANDDDDD it only took me an hour and half to get to the finish line!!!! HOOOYYAAAAHHH 😀 Note that I’m a beginner, a newbie at this stuff so finishing in less than two hours was such a success to me!

This was my face the whole entire day!
This was my face the whole entire day!

Now…..comes the worst part of it all….

My legs….. I can barely move my legs. It hurts when I walk, it hurts when I sit, it hurts when I lie down, it even freaking hurts when I sleep! D: D: D:  This is so much worse than the day after leg day. See, I have little legs – means I’m almost a hobbit, so when my calves can barely make any kind of movement, I had to take little steps at a time. It makes me look like a cute little penguin, which is entirely fine by me cause I just look 10x cuter than I already am (MUAHAHAHA)

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Well.. whats done is done. But i had to say that this is not gonna be my last run. I’ll definitely join one in near future – perhaps next month organized by solomon 😉

So this is just me after the run, trying to show off my first running medal heh heh heh

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All right folks, until next time

Shaping Out My Life

I’ve just realized that there are a lot of my friends or people whom I used to know or just a schoolmate I’ve never talked to before – they are all getting married. Or pregnant. Or expecting another child.

It just makes me think on what do I want to do with my life because as of now, I cannot see myself being ready to settle down or even having a serious relationship with someone. Sometimes it’s quite scary or just plain awkward when I’m hanging out with some of my girl friends and they start to talk about getting married or what they would do when they get their first born etc etc. I’m not judging them – I’m simply judging myself.

Like, what the hell is wrong with me

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I know some guys will straight on say “Ohh you’re thattt girl” and I’ll get pretty pissed off when I get that. I just don’t feel like that kind of life works for everyone. I might change my mind in the future, who knows. But just right now, I feel like there are just so many things I can and comfortable of doing alone, enjoying my time alone, writing this alone in my room and having the freedom I’ve always wished for since I was a little girl.

My love for learning – learning different languages, learning people, learning the sound of the universe, is just a bigger love than the love to have a family. I call myself selfish – I’m practically the most selfish person I’ve ever known. I can just push people away the minute I feel like they are bringing me down, when I feel like I cannot be me. I think about myself a lot more than me thinking about other people.

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Of course in every decision I’ve made or will make, I will think about my parents’ perceptions and feelings but they are not here to tell me what to do with my life or to stop me from being the person I am. I know that some of the things I’m doing now will upset them in the religion wise but I believe that any of my actions that won’t hurt anyone in the world should not be against the religion. Perhaps I will take back these words in the future, but at least now, in order for me to taste life, it’s something I need to let go of.

Anyway, right now I already have plans on what to do after my graduation next year (finally!) and I just hope that everything will work out fine. I’ll get back to my plans here once I’ve booked my plane ticket! 😉 Oh, a one-way ticket 😉 😉

On an unrelated note, I’ve actually thought on writing about being courteous tonight but perhaps I’ll save it for my next post.

Until next time chicas.

Makeup Products To Bring When Backpacking

This is by far one of the most difficult things for me to figure out when I was out backpacking in Europe early this year. I work as a freelance makeup artist, and did few other part time work with big names such as Givenchy etc. So, trying to find THE products that are going to last for more than 3 months, that I can wear to any kind of occasions and that can fit in my small pouch, is definitely not an easy task.

In my room I have this collection of makeup products that you can usually see on youtube channels nowadays so choosing less than 10 products to bring is cray cray.

This is the list of makeup products that I brought with me last time, which I find just nice and complete. Note that I only bring one product for each category.

  1. Light weight foundation/BB cream
  2. Medium/Full coverage concealer
  3. Compact powder
  4. Eyebrow pencil (duhh!)
  5. Eyeliner pencil
  6. Mascara
  7. One small eyeshadow palette
  8. Bronzer/Blusher
  9. 2 brushes (face & blush)
  10. Lip stain
  11. Don’t forget the sharpener!

If you’re minimalist kinda traveller and this list is too much for you, by all means take out any of the products that seem irrelevant to you. But these products saved me when I had to attend formal events apart from getting my everyday makeup routine done. Anyway, I’m going to share which products made it to my list.

1) Light weight foundation/ BB cream.

Since I was having some breakouts on my face at that time and just want to be on the safer side if anything goes wrong (like my skin can’t cope with the very drying weather), I prefer to bring something heavier than just a BB cream. So I opt for a light weight to medium coverage foundation. I went ahead and brought my Bourjois Healthy Mix Serum Foundation.

healthy_mix_serum_foundationI like how the foundation feels on my skin, it’s not thick yet they even out my skin tone. It’s definitely buildable so in days where I think I don’t need too much coverage, I will just apply one layer of this and apply a lil more on the areas that need more coverage (eg under eye). The bottle and the cap didn’t break throughout my travels, they freaking survived.

2) Medium/Full coverage concealer.

The reason why I need a heavier coverage concealer is because I can never know when exactly I’ll be needing it. If you don’t need much of a concealer, you can just layer up the foundation but if that isn’t enough, having a thicker concealer will save your day when travelling. I opt for Make Up For Ever Full Cover Concealer. The concealer is thick, and the packaging is not hard to work with. At first, I thought of bringing my MAC pro longwear concealer, but I’m afraid that the cap/pump will break because it doesn’t look that durable to me.

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And this concealer, a lil bit goes a long way. I’m still using this up until now and it hasn’t finished yet.

3) Compact setting powder.

To be honest, I didn’t use this product as much since it was during winter and my skin didn’t get that oily. But at times where I was out the whole day, it came in handy. I know compact powders don’t really have the most durable packaging, so I thought of bringing something from a cheaper price range, in case if it breaks, my heart won’t break as much. So I went with Rimmel Stay Matte Pressed Powder. It works great, if you haven’t tried this product, you totally should!

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4) Eyebrow pencil

I’m not sure about you, but I can’t, I just can’t go out from my house without filling in my brows. I feel incomplete without them. Haha so this is a pretty easy one, I like the one that I’ve always been using, MAC Veluxe Brow Liner. It has a spooly on one side so you can easily blend the color without having to bring a spooly brush along.

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5) Eyeliner pencil

You can take any of your favorite eyeliner pencil. For me, I have a few but fret not, I didn’t bring all of them with me. I thought of bringing MAC’s but after some considerations, I decided to go on with the one from Stila Kajal Eyeliner just because I like the consistency and the color better.

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6) Mascara

This is also a tricky one. I thought of bringing my Dior Blakout (just because I’ve been in love with it since forever), but it’s quite expensive and I don’t wanna wear them out everyday there. So, I went with Benefit They’re Real mascara. It’s a really good mascara since they come with the travel size packaging anddd it’s waterproof 🙂

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7) One small eyeshadow palette.

This is just to give some colors to your eyes. I used this just for formal events. From day to day, nope. Not really. The one that I brought with me is the Maybelline Eye Studio Color Plush Silk Eyeshadow. I didn’t bring any eyeshadow brush with me. I just use the sponge tip that came with the palette and my fingers. Fingers are your greatest tool.

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8) Bronzer/Blusher

I personally went with bronzer, because I prefer to have a lil bit tan/peachy kind of color on my face. I don’t really have pale skin, so I still think that I look better with bronzer, if I had to choose either one. The one that I chose to bring with me was the NYX Body Bronzer because I’m in love with the colorrrrr when applied to my face. Not too orange or anything like that. Suits my skin color perfectly! And also, this product is in the cheaper price range which is great.

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9) 2 brushes (face & blush)

If I could go back, I would only go with one. But the other brush didn’t really take up much space. And just take the travel size brushes with you. The ones that I took with me are from Sigma. I only took the last 2 brushes on the right.

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10) Lip stain!

You can take any that you like. Benefit has a good one that you can use as a blusher as well. But I ended up bringing the L’Oreal Paris GlamShine Stain Splash. You can double it up as a cheek stain too! 🙂

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11) Sharpener.

Well just take any sharpener you happen to have 🙂 I just bought a new cheap one before I went traveling.

I hope this post will help any traveling girl out there! 🙂